Celebrations

Since this is July 2nd, you might think my title refers to the Fourth of July but it does not.  Rather it refers to how my husband and I celebrated our 63rd and 62nd birthdays, respectively, as well as our 39th anniversary.  In short, we didn't.  Now that probably sounds pretty negative to you but on the contrary, for us and to me, it is a strong positive.  Since before we retired and even more so after, we've been leading a very satisfying life.  We travel.  We buy the things we want and need (fortunately, our wants and needs are few and not extravagant).  We enjoy our home and our hometown.  We have good friends and family.  We are healthy and happy and pursuing our individual and shared interests.  It took us years to reach this level.  During those years marking birthdays and anniversaries were excuses to indulge, to take a break and acknowledge each other and our love.  They were also times we worked to find gifts for each other than were meaningful and wanted.  And as I look back on it, they were stressful times.  Did I get the right present for him?  Did we manage to make the occasion special for each other?  Did it convey what we truly felt?  Was he disappointed and more importantly, was I?  We no longer need that annual excuse or experience the stress.  Celebrations for birthdays and anniversaries are no longer set by a date on the calendar nor do they occur once a year.

On our birthdays this year, we went out to eat and listened to great jazz in a cozy restaurant that never disappoints.  It happened that on one of these days, we entertained a nephew who was in town for a conference.  On our anniversary we were at that same cozy restuarant listening to more great music and eating more great food while drinking some very fine wine.  The thing is we do this regularly.  It's not special because we do it rarely; it's special because we do what we love as often as we want and can.  We did not exchange gifts.  When either of us finds something we think the other will really love, we buy it and give it to them, no matter the date on the calendar.  More importantly, we are comfortable buying for ourselves these kinds of things when we find them.  Neither of us are shopaholics.  I am not talking of superfluous spending here.  I'm talking about items, large or small, that fit into our collections or add to our enjoyment of our home or yard.  We have a kind of list of places we want to see before we are no longer able to travel.  These will not be put off to fit a birthday/anniversary schedule but rather, will be fit into our calendar and budget when possible.  The irony is that there is so much we want to do and so little time.  There are conflicting variables and other schedules to consider.  We find ourselves debating which events or places are of the greater importance to us and planning our calendar months in advance.

Now I'm not saying this is how everyone should celebrate the special birthday and anniversary occasions in their lives.  I'm just saying this is how we are doing it now and that it works for us.  As I think about it, I see it as a testimony to how well we get along, how much we share in common, how much we've grown as a couple, and how much we respect and love each other, expressed not only at the prescribed times of the year but rather enjoyed year round.